French's  International  Copyrighted  (in  England,  her 

Colonies,  and  the  United  States)  Edition  of 

the  Works  of  the  Best  Authors. 


No.  J57 


1  THE  TEETH  OF  THE 
GIFT  HORSE 


BY 


MARGARET  CAMERON 


COPYRIGHT,  1909,  BY  SAMUEL  FRENCH 


8 


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I 


UB 

SAN 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIF! 
HORSE 


BY 

MARGARET   CAMERON 


COPYRIGHT,  1909,  BY  SAMUEL  FRENCH 


NOTICE— The  professional  acting  rights  of  this  play  are  reserved  bj 
the  publisher,  and  permission  for  such  performance!  must  b< 
obtained  before  performances  are  given.  This  notice  does  not 
aoply  to  amateurs,  who  may  perform  the  play  without  permissiom. 
All  professional  unauthorized  productions  will  be  prosecuted  to 
the  full  extent  of  the  law. 


NEW  YORK 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

WEST  45TH  STREET 


LONDON 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  LTD. 

26  SOUTHAMPTON  STRHET 

STRAND 


Printed  m  the  Umttd  States  of  America  by 
TH«  RreMMONo  HBO.  BBeemi',  R»CHMOND  Mtt-u.  N.Y. 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 


RICHARD  BUTLEB. 

FLORENCE  BUTLEB,  His  Wife. 

MABIETTA  WILLIAMS,  HIB  Aunt. 


KATIE,  The  Maid. 

TIME:     Present  Day. 
PLACE:     A  Small  Town  Near  New  York  Citj. 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE 
GIFT  HORSE 


SCENE  :  —  Living  room  of  the  Butlers'  house  in  a 
suburb  of  New  York.  It  is  a  tasteful  apartment, 
in  dull  hues:  subdued  walls,  dark  rugs,  Japanese 
prints  and  fine  watercolors,  a  few  good  bronzes  and 
pieces  of  rare  pottery,  some  bits  of  fine  brass,  a 
handsome  lamp  or  two,  and  plenty  of  books. 
There  is  also  a  mantel.* 

There  are  two  doors,  one  at  the  back  leading  to  the 
hall,  and  one  down  R.,  leading  to  the  reception 
room.  Down  L.  is  a  desk,  with  telephone  exten 
sion.  There  is  also  a  divan,  with  pillows.  The 
furniture  is  all  handsome  and  dark. 

Stage  empty  at  rise.  Telephone  bell  rings.  Enter 
Florence,  hurriedly,  and  takes  receiver. 

FLO.  Yes?  .  .  .  Hello!  .  .  .  Yes?  .  .  . 
Yes,  this  is  Mrs.  Butler.  .  .  .  Who  ?  .  .  .  Oh, 
Mrs.  Lane!  (eagerly)  Yes?  ...  Oh  (disap 
pointed)  can't  you  find  any  trace  of  them?  .  .  . 
Did  you?  You're  a  dear  to  take  so  much  trouble. 
I'll  do  as  much  for  you  some  day. 

(Katie  appears  at  hall  door,  ushers  in  Anne  Fisher, 
and  hesitates.  Anne  sees  Flo  at  telephone,  nods  to 
Katie  in  dismissal,  and  comes  down  unobserved.) 

FLO.  (continues  at  telephone)  Do  you  suppose  it 
would  do  any  good  to  Advertise?  .  .  .  No,  I 

*  l!i  the  absence  of  a  mantel  shelf,  a  bookcase  may  be 
substituted. 

6 


6       THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

suppose  not.  Still  —  they  might  see  it,  you  know. 
Somebody  in  town  has  those  things,  and  if  ifg  pos 
sible  to  find  them  —  Oh,  well,  I've  simply  got  to 
find  them!  That's  all  there  is  about  it!  .  .  . 
No,  I  telephoned  her.  She  doesn't  know.  .  .  . 
I  think  Anne  Fisher  might  remember,  but  she's  out 
of  town.  I  telegraphed  her  this  morning. 

ANNE.     No,  she  isn't. 

FLO.  (turning  in  surprise  and  delight)  Oh, 
Anne!  Heavens,  but  I'm  glad  to  see  you!  When 
did  you  get  back  ? 

ANNE.  Just  now  —  unexpectedly.  They  said 
you'd  been  telephoning  wildly  and  talking  about  tele 
grams  and  things,  so  I  — 

FLO.  (nods  to  her  and  continues  in  phone)^ 
What?  .  .  .  She's  just  back.  I  don't  know.  I' 
haven't  asked  her  yet.  .  .  .  Yes,  I'll  let  you 
know.  .  .  .  Thanks.  Good-by.  (Hangs  up  re 
ceiver  and  embraces  Anne)  My  dear !  I  never  was 
so  glad  to  see  anybody  in  my  life ! 

ANNE,  (laughing)  This  fervor  would  be  truly 
touching  if  I  hadn't  been  eavesdropping.  As  it  is, 
I  suspect  you  of  harboring  motives. 

FLO.     Guilty ! 

ANNE.    What's  the  matter? 

FLO.  Anne,  do  you  remember  a  large  pair  of 
hand-painted  china  vases  at  the  rummage  sale  last 
week  ?  (Anne  looks  bewildered  and  shakes  her  head) 
Oh,  do !  Try  to  remember,  Anne !  You  must  re 
member  them,  they  were  so  perfectly  hideous ! 

ANNE.  My  dear  girl !  As  if  anybody  could  re 
member  any  one  of  the  prodigious  number  of  hor 
rors  that  sale  brought  forth!  If  they  hadn't  been 
so  funny  they'd  have  haunted  my  dreams! 

FLO.  Yes,  I  know;  but  don't  you  remember  one 
particularly,  imposingly,  ugly  pair  of  vases? 

ANNE.     I'm  afraid  I   don't.     What  about  them? 

FLO.     They  were  mine.     You  can't  have  forgotten 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE      1 

them!  Two,  exactly  alike,  huge,  vivid,  home  bred, 
hand  painted  —  pink  peonies  on  a  pale  blue  ground, 
with  yellow  and  black  butterflies  and  iridescent 
humming  birds  -- 

ANNE.  0-o-oh!  Those!  Mercy,  were  those 
yours  ? 

FLO.  Anne,  Anne,  have  you  any  idea  who  bought 
those  vases? 

ANNE,     (amused)     Not  a  glimmer. 

FLO.     Oh,  think!     Think/ 

ANNE,  (dryly)  Florence,  dear!  My  acquaint 
ances  among  the  patrons  of  that  sale  were  limited 
to  our  cook  and  her  sister. 

FLO.  Oh,  I  know!  But  I  want  to  get  them  — 
Anne,  I've  got  to  get  them  back ! 

ANNE.     In  the  name  of  sense,  why  ? 

FLO.  Have  you  ever  heard  me  speak  of  Aunt 
Marietta?  No,  I  suppose  not;  but  she's  the  aunt 
with  whom  Dick  lived  when  he  was  a  boy.  You 
know  his  father  and  mother  both  died  before  he  was 
six,  and  this  aunt  took  him  to  her  heart.  She 
patched  his  trousers  and  corrected  his  spelling  and 
heard  his  prayers.  When  he  grew  older  she  made 
all  sorts  of  pathetic  sacrifices  to  send  him  away  to  a 
good  school.  Then  he  worked  his  own  way  through 
college  and  has  taken  care  of  her  ever  since. 

ANNE.     And  she  gave  you  the  vases? 

FLO.  Worse  than  that!  She  painted  them  her 
self,  with  infinite  pains  and  pride,  and  sent  them  to 
us  as  a  wedding  gift. 

ANNE.  And  you  sent  them  to  a  rummage  sale! 
Oh,  Florence! 

FLO.  I  knew  —  but  truly  it  isn't  quite  as  bad  as 
it  looks.  I  really  love  Aunt  Marietta.  Don't  make 
any  mistake  about  that,  Anne.  We  both  love  her 
dearly !  But  —  I  don't  care  for  "  flower  pieces  " 
done  on  porcelain  plaques  and  mounted  on  plush ! 
The  fact  that  she  wouldn't  appreciate  my  Japanese 


8  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

prints  doesn't  make  me  love  her  less,  and  I  see  no 
more  reason  for  putting  vases  in  my  rooms  that 
would  be  a  perpetual  note  of  discord  to  myself  and 
my  friends  than  I  do  for  wearing  a  frumpy,  ill- 
fitting  gown  in  New  York  because  it  would  meet 
her  village  standards. 

ANNE.  N-no.  No,  of  course  (looking  about) 
you  couldn't  have  those  vases  here,  Florence!  They 
were  too  awful !  But  —  but  you  needn't  have  given 
them  away ! 

FLO.  Why  not?  There  are  people  who  like  that 
sort  of  thing  —  who  would  take  just  as  much  joy  and 
pride  in  them  as  she  did.  Why  should  I  keep  them  — • 
as  I  have  kept  them  for  five  years  —  hidden  in  my 
attic,  when  they  might  be  giving  somebody  the  pleas 
ure  she  meant  them  to  give  us?  So  I  sent  them  to 
that  sale,  thinking  they'd  serve  two  purposes  —  fill 
somebody's  long-felt  want,  and  add  a  dollar  or  two  to 
the  hospital  fund. 

ANNE.     Then  why  all  these  belated  scruples? 

FLO.  Because  Aunt  Marietta  is  coming  —  Com 
ing?  My  land,  she's  here!  (LooTcs  at  her  watch) 
Her  train  must  be  in  if  it's  on  time. 

ANNE.     And  you  think  she'd  remember? 

FLO.  Bemember !  My  dear,  those  vases  will  be 
the  first  things  she'll  look  for ! 

ANNE.     Couldn't  you  explain. 

FLO.  (shaking  her  head)  Wait  until  you  sea 
her!  The  dearest,  tenderest,  old-fashionedest,  little 
brown  leaf  of  a  woman  —  all  heart !  She  just 
couldn't  understand! 

ANNE.     But  why,  when  she  was  coming  — 

FLO.  That's  the  irony  of  fate!  In  all  these 
years  we've  never  been  able  to  get  her  fifty  miles  from 
her  own  hearthstone.  We've  begged  her  to  visit  us 
—  begged  her  to  come  and  live  with  us.  We'd  love  to 
have  her,  and  she  hasn't  a  chick  or  a  child  or  any 
body  belonging  to  her  out  there.  But  she's  always 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE      0 

lived  there  —  in  this  little  bit  of  a  forsaken  town  — • 
and  we've  never  been  able  to  coax  her  away,  so  we'd 
given  up  trying  —  or  even  hoping. 

ANNE.     And  now  — 

FLO.  Now  —  this  morning  —  out  of  a  clear  sky, 
comes  a  letter  from  her  saying  there's  to  be  an  excur 
sion  of  some  sort.  Some  friends  of  hers  were  coming, 
one  of  them  was  detained  at  the  last  moment,  and 
Aunt  Marietta  suddenly  decided  to  come  with  the 
other  one,  and  make  us  a  visit.  Of  course  she  didn't 
telegraph  —  and  we  might  have  been  in  Egypt  —  or 
Chicago !  She  sent  a  postal  card,  mailed  the  day  be 
fore  she  was  to  start!  I  phoned  Dick  to  meet  her, 
and  I've  been  scurrying  around  getting  things  ready 
to  meet  her  housewifely  eye.  And  in  the  midst  of 
it  all  I  remembered  those  vases,  and —  Oh,  I 
wouldn't  hurt  her  feelings  for  anything  in  the  world ! 

ANNE,  (decidedly)  Well,  they've  simply  got  to 
be  found,  you  know.  That's  all  there  is  to  that ! 
(Goes  into  a  brown  study) 

FLO.  Yes,  but  how  ?  I  phoned  Mrs.  Lane  —  and 
everybody  else  I  could  think  of.  I  even  wired  you., 
for  I  had  a  hazy  idea  they  were  on  your  table, 

ANNE,     (dreamily)     They  were. 

FLO.  (eagerly)  Then  can't  you —  Oh,  no, 
(despondently)  of  course  you  can't !  I  couldn't 
tell,  to  save  my  life,  who  bought  your  last  winter's 
hat  —  and  I  sold  it  with  great  satisfaction !  Do  you 
suppose  it  would  do  any  good  to  advertise?  (Anne 
does  not  reply)  I  don't  see  any  other  way.  DC 
you  ?  Anne ! 

ANNE,  (starting  out  of  lier  reverie  and  blinking 
surprisedly)  Eh?  'What? 

FLO.  Do  you  think  it  would  do  any  good  to  ad 
vertise  ? 

ANNE.  I  don't  know.  It  might.  Try  it.  I  — 
see  here,  Flo,  I'm  beginning  to  get  just  a  glimmer  — 
N  FLO.  Oh,  Annel 


10  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

ANNE.  Now,  don't  set  your  heart  on  it.  It  may 
come  to  nothing.  But  I  do  remember  a  large,  fluent 
Irish  woman  who  had  her  weather  eye  on  those  vases 
for  an  hour  or  more.  She  kept  coming  back,  trying 
to  haggle  the  price  down.  I  don't  know  whether  she 
bought  them  or  not.  Certainly,  I  didn't  sell  them 
to  her,  and  I  don't  know  who  she  was.  But  I've  a 
notion  that  Nora  —  she's  our  cook  —  would  know. 
My  car's  at  the  door.  I'll  fly  home  and  interview  the 
powers  in  the  kitchen,  and  then  I'll  start  out  on  a 
still  hunt.  Mercifully,  this  is  a  small  town,  and  if 
those  vases  are  in  it,  I'll  bring  them  to  you  before  I 
Bleep. 

FLO.  Anne  Fisher,  if  ever  there  was  an  angel  on 
this  earth  — 

ANNE,  (laughing)  I'm  it!  I'm  sure  of  it,  be 
cause  lately  I've  been  having  growing  pains  where  my 
wings  ought  to  be.  The  doctor  says  it's  rheumatism, 
but  you've  a  much  more  discerning  eye.  I'm  off. 
Oh,  by  the  way,  does  Dick  know  ? 

FLO.     Not  yet. 

ANNE.  Well,  you'd  better  take  no  chances  with 
him!  If  there's  any  nice,  thoughtful,  well-meaning, 
unequivocal,  irretrievable  way  of  turning  the  fat  into 
the  fire,  Dick  will  find  it !  (Both  laugh)  Now  I'm 
really  off.  Good-by.  I'll  phone  you  in  a  few  min 
utes  if  I  get  any  clue. 

FLO.  You're  such  a  comfort,  Nan!  Good-by. 
(Anne  goes  out.  Florence  glances  critically  about 
the  room,  moves  an  ornament,  flecks  a  bit  of  dust 
from  a  table,  then  sighs)  Heigh-ho!  Dear  old 
Nan!  Oh  — Katie? 

KATIE,  (appearing  at  door  to  reception  room) 
Yes'm. 

FLO.  When  Miss  Williams  comes,  you're  to  take 
her  bag  and  wraps  to  her  room,  and  then  serve  tea 
here  at  once. 

KATIE.    Yes'm. 


11 

FLO.  I  think  that's  all.  Oh-  If  she  should 
ask  you,  when  I'm  not  here,  anything  about  the  large, 
hand-painted  vases,  you  may  say  —  you  may  say  you 
think  I  must  have  put  them  away  out  of  the  dust. 

KATIE.     What  vases,  mum? 

FLO.  Now,  Katie,  don't  say  that  to  her!  What 
ever  you  do,  don't  ask  her  "  what  vases !  "  And 
don't  let  her  know  you've  never  seen  them!  Simply 
say  you  think  I  must  have  put  them  away.  Do  you 
understand  ? 

KATIE.    Yes'm. 

FLO.  Don't  forget,  now!  It's  very  important 
that  you  should  remember  this.  Hand-painted 
vases. 

KATIE.     Large,  hand-painted  vases.     Yes'm. 

FLO.  It's  not  probable  that  she'll  say  anything  to 
you  about  them,  but  in  case  she  should—  (Front 
door  slams')  Why,  there  they  are!  (Runs  into  hall, 
eagerly  crying)  Aunt  Marietta !  Aunt  Marietta! 

AUNT  M.     (outside)     My  dear  child! 

DICK,     (outside)     Isn't  she  looking  well? 

FLO.  (outside)  She's  looking  just  as  she  always 
did,  the  dearest,  dearest-—  Come  in!  Come  in! 

(Enter  Aunt  Marietta,  a  gentle,  gray-haired,  sweet- 
faced,  quaint  little  woman,  whose  manner,  of  a  by 
gone  generation,  rather  than  any  feebleness,  makes 
her  seem  old;  Dick  Butler,  a  vigorous  young  business 
man,  and  Florence.  Dick  carries  an  old-fashioned 
valise,  and  Aunt  M.  clings  to  a  large  box,  wrapped  in 
newspapers.  Both  Flo  and  Dick  manifest  in  every 
way  their  great  delight  in  seeing  her.) 

FLO.  I'm  so  glad  to  see  you!  You  dear,  blessed 
—  (Embraces  Aunt  M.)  Are  you  tired  to  death? 

AUNT  M.  (brightly)  Oh,  no,  I'm  not  at  all 
tired.  I  was,  until  I  saw  Dick  on  the  platform.  I 
haven't  thought  of  it  since. 

FLO.  (taking  Aunt  M.'s  wraps  and  handing  them 
to  Katie)  Take  your  things  off  and  we'll  have  tea 


12      THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIF'*  HORSE 

before  we  climb  upstairs  to  your  room  —  unless  you'd 
prefer  to  go  right  up? 

AUNT  M.  No;  I  just  want  to  look  at  you  and 
Dick  and  realize  that  I  am  actually  here.  (Looks 
about  room.  Katie  picks  up  valise  and  is  about  to 
take  box,  when  Aunt  M.  sees  her)  Oh !  No,  no ! 
If  you  please !  I'd  rather  you  shouldn't  take  that ! 
I  like  —  I'd  really  like  to  take  that  up  myself ! 

DICK.  It  will  be  perfectly  safe.  Katie  will 
handle  it  as  if  it  were  eggs  —  or  nitroglycerine.  Per 
haps  that's  what  it  is!  Aunt  Marietta,  (with  mock 
severity)  confess!  Is  that  a  bomb?  Have  you 
turned  nihilist?  (Katie  retreats  suddenly  from  box) 

AUNT  M.  (flustered)  Why,  no  !  Certainly  not ! 
How  can  you  say —  (Pauses;  then  laughs)  Bless 
me,  Dick,  how  little  you've  changed. 

DICK.  Nevertheless,  I'm  convinced  you  have! 
That's  a  most  mysterious  box,  Flo.  Aunt  Marietta 
has  carried  it  all  the  way  across  the  continent  —  to 
this  very  spot  —  in  her  hand.  She  wouldn't  even  let 
me  touch  it.  Now,  Aunt  Marietta,  if  it  doesn't  con 
tain  a  bomb,  you'll  let  our  faithful  housemaid  take 
it —  (Katie  backs  against  the  wall,  terrified) 

AUNT  M.  (nervously)  No  —  no  —  if  you  please, 
Dick !  I  —  I  know  I'm  very  foolish,  but  —  I've 
taken  such  care  of  that  box !  And  if  something 
should  happen  to  it  now,  at  the  very  end  of  the  jour 
ney —  If  you'll  just  let  me  take  it  — 

FLO.  You  shall  take  it  yourself  if  you  want  to! 
But  not  now  —  not  until  you're  ready  to  go  up. 
We'll  put  it  right  there.  (Puts  it  on  floor  beside 
table) 

AUNT  M.  But  —  mightn't  it  get  jarred  there? 
If  some  one  should  stumble  over  it,  it  —  it  might  be 
very  serious.  I  think  I'd  better  — 

DICK,  (placing  box  on  table,  with  exaggerated 
caution)  Then  we'll  put  it  there!  And  you  shall 
take  it  unstairs  with  your  own  two  hands.' 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE  1J 

(Katie,  wild-eyed,  hastily  slips  out.  Telephone 
'}ell  rings.  Dick  takes  receiver} 

DICK.  Hello.  .  .  .  Yes.  .  .  .  Yes.  .  .  . 
Who  is  it?  .  .  .  Oh,  all  right.  Hold  the  wire. 
Anne  Fisher  wants  to  talk  to  you,  Florence. 

FLO.  Oh,  Anne!  (Runs  across  to  phone}  Per 
haps —  perhaps  Aunt  Marietta  would  like  to  see  the 
other  rooms  on  this  floor,  Dick.  You  might  take  her 
into  the  dining-room  and  show -her  the  view. 

DICK,  (smiling  significantly}  Secrets,  eh?  All 
right.  You're  not  too  tired,  Auntie?  We  seem  to 
be  de  trop  here. 

AUNT  M.  Oh,  no,  Pm  not  at  all  tired.  (Exeunt 
Aunt  M.  and  Dick,  he  ivith  his  arm  around  her} 

FLO.  (eagerly}  Yes,  Anne!  .  .  .  Yes.  .  .  . 
What?  I  can  hardly  hear  you!  .  .  .  Oh,  are 
yon  home  already  ?  .  .  .  She  did  know  ?  .  .  . 
She  didn't  know!  .  .  .  .She  had  a  friend  who 
what?  .  .  .  Oh,  bought  some!  .  .  .  You 
don't  think  they're  the  ones?  ...  Oh!  ... 
You've  got  what?  .  .  .  Oh,  the  address  of 
North's  friend.  .  .  .  But  that's  a  lot  of  trouble 
for  you,  Anne !  .  .  .  What  ?  .  .  .  Why,  you 
haven't  met  Aunt  Marietta!  .  .'  .  Oh,  did  you? 
With  Dick?  .  .  .  Where  did  you  meet  them? 
.  .  .  Isn't  she  a  dear?  .  .  .  (Lauglis}  I 
knew  you'd  say  that.  Everybody  loves  Aunt  Mari 
etta  at  sight.  Now  that  you've  seen  her,  you  see, 
too,  why  I  simply  can't  let  her  visit  be  clouded  and 
her  feelings  hurt  by —  What?  .  .  .  Anne 
.Fisher,  you're  the  dearest  thing  in  the  world !  .  .  . 
Where  does  she  live  —  this  Irish  woman  ?  How  long 
will  it  take  you  to  get  there  ?  .  .  .  Mercy,  you'll 
be  arrested  for  fast  driving  if  you  make  that  time! 
.  .  .  Well  —  but  do  be  careful!  .  .  .  No, 
nothing's  happened  yet.  .  .  .  Qood-by  (Hangs 
up} 

(Enter  Aunt  M.  and 


14  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

AUNT  M.  (timidly)  It's  all  very  nice  —  very 
nice,  indeed,  Dick.  It's  so —  (obviously  at  a  loss  for 
a  word)  so  —  complete,  and  —  everything  looks  good. 
I  —  I  think  you're  very  comfortable. 

DICK,  (puzzled)  Comfortable?  Oh,  yes  —  yei, 
of  course  we're  comfortable.  (Places  a  chair  for 
her)  But  —  don't  you  like  it,  Aunt  Marietta? 
(Pulls  his  chair  up  to  her  and  takes  her  hand.  Flor 
ence  sits  on  hassock  at  her  feet  and  holds  her  other 
hand) 

AUNT  M.  Oh,  yes,  certainly.  It's  delightful, 
Dick.  And  I'm  so  pleased  to  see  you  in  your  own 
home !  You've  no  idea  how  I've  looked  forward  to 
that.  It's  really  what  brought  me.  The  others  were 
talking  about  the  sights  of  New  York,  but  I  thought 
only  of  you.  I  just  wanted  to  eee  you  two  dear  chil 
dren  in  your  own  home,  with  —  (glances  wistfully 
about)  with  all  your  own  things  about  you.  I've 
thought  about  it  so  long  —  tried  to  imagine  just  how 
it  would  be  — 

DICK.     And  is  it  at  all  as  you  expected  to  find  it  ? 

AUNT  M.  Well  —  not  exactly,  of  course  — 
(hastily)  but  it's  all  very  nice,  Dick.  Very  nice 
indeed. 

FLO.  And  you  haven't  seen  it  all  yet,  you  know, 
Aunt  Marietta. 

AUNT  M.  (with  reviving  hope)  No,  that's  true. 
There  are  rooms  upstairs.  Perhaps  there's  a  bright 
little  sitting-room  up  there. 

DICK.  No;  only  bedrooms.  We  sit  here,  you 
know. 

AUNT  M.  Yes  —  yes,  to  be  sure,  you  sit  here. 
It's  a  very  —  it's  a  very  nice  place  to  sit,  too. 

FLO.  Now,  Dick,  you've  monopolized  Aunt  Ma 
rietta  long  enough.  She  hasn't  told  me  a  word  about 
herself,  or  her  trip,  or  how  she  happened  to  start  so 
suddenly,  or  who's  taking  care  of  the  dear  little 
a±  home,  or  — 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE  15 

DICK,  (smiling  reminiscently)  Isn't  that  a 
dandy  little  house,  eh?  Can't  you  just  see  the  flow 
ered  paper,  and  the  pictures  up  around  the  top  of 
the  walls,  and  the  white  curtains  —  and  Aunt  Ma 
rietta  sitting  near  a  window,  painting  away?  Do 
you  still  paint,  Aunt  Marietta? 

AUNT  M.  (glancing  furtively  and  smilingly  at 
the  box)  Oh,  yes  —  I  still  paint. 

DICK.  Let's  see;  you  took  up  china  painting, 
didn't  you? 

FLO.  (hastily)  Of  course  she  did!  Don't  you 
remember  the  plates  she's  sent  us?  And  the  choco 
late  pot  —  and  the  teacups  —  (sees  Aunt  M.  glanc 
ing  at  the  ornaments,  and  concludes  desperately)  and 
the  lovely  vases  she  gave  us  when  we  were  married? 

DICK.  Oh,  by  Jove.  I'd  for  —  that  is  —  of 
course  I  remember  'em!  Sure  thing! 

AUNT  M.  Those  vases  were  the  first  large  pieces 
I  did. 

DICK,  (ivith  exaggerated  enthusiasm,  to  atone  for 
his  for  get  fulness)  Were  they?  Were  they,  really? 

FLO.  (crushingly)  Dick!  You  knew  they  were ! 
Men  are  so  stupid  about  such  things,  Aunt  Marietta. 
They  mean  well,  but  they  never  really  remember  any 
details  of  anything  except  business.  You  wouldn't 
think  Dick  would  come  to  that,  would  you  ?  But  he 
has. 

DICK.  Oh,  come!  That's  a  bit  hard,  isn't  it? 
Say,  Florence  (looking  about)  where  are  those 
vases?  Why  don't  we  have  them  — 

FLO.     We  do  have  them ! 

DICK,     (looking  about)     Where? 

FLO.  (laughing  nervously)  Dick  Butler,  you 
are  the  worst!  They  happen  not  to  be  visible  this 
instant  —  and  of  course  you  can't  remember  that 
they  ever  were !  Can  you  tell  now  what  picture  hangs 
at  the  foot  of  your  bed?  (Rises  and  slips  behind 
Aunt  M.  and  shakes  her  hwd  violently  at  him} 


16  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

DICK.  Why,  certainly!  It's  —  what?  (She  lays 
her  finger  on  her  lips,  frowns  and  shakes  her  head) 
Why,  yes,  I  can!  It's —  (Stops,  puzzled  by  her 
signals) 

FLO.  (laughing  lightly)  There!  You  see,  Aunt 
Marietta  ? 

DICK.     But  see  here !     I  can  tell !     It's  - 

FLO.  (taking  him  up  on  "can  tell")  Oh,  per 
haps  you  can  now !  You've  had  time  to  think !  It 
happens  to  be  a  picture  of  me,  Aunt  Marietta. 

DICK,     (defiantly)     In  fancy  dress. 

FLO.  (mockingly)  Wonderful!  By  the  way, 
apropos  of  thinking,  you  forgot  to  fix  that  door  — 

DICK.     What  door? 

FLO.  The  one  I  asked  you  to  fix  this  morning. 
Come  and  look  at  it  now.  Aunt  Marietta  will  ex 
cuse  us  a  moment. 

DICK,  (protestingly)  But  she's  just  come !  I've 
hardly  seen  her  yet!  And  anyhow,  you  didn't  say 
anything  about  any  door! 

FLO.  (laughing)  There  it  is,  Aunt  Marietta! 
But  if  you  asked  him  where  U.  S.  Steel  Preferred 
stood  a  week  ago  last  Tuesday,  he  could  tell  you  to  ?, 
fraction!  Come  along,  Dick!  (Takes  his  hand  and 
pulls  him  into  hall) 

(Aunt  Marietta  crosses  quickly  to  table  and  shakes 
her  box  gently,  carefully  listening.  Presently  enter 
Katie  and  begins  to  clear  a  place  on  a  smaller  table 
for  tea  tray.  She  is  obviously  afraid  of  the  box) 

AUNT  M.  (pleasantly)  If  I'm  going  to  be  a 
member  of  this  household,  I  must  know  your  name. 

KATIE.     Katie,  mum. 

AUNT  M.  I  hope  you  didn't  feel  hurt,  Katie,  that 
I  didn't  want  you  to  take  my  box  upstairs. 

KATIE,     (eyeing  it  fearfully)     Oh,  no,  mum. 

AUNT  M.  It  wasn't  that  I  wasn't  willing  to  trust 
you,  Katie.  I'm  sure  you'd  have  been  very  careful 
«f  it,  but  —  it  contains  something  very  fragile.  I 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE  (7 

do  hope  it  hasn't  been  broken!  (Shakes  ~box  gently 
and  Katie  makes  for  the  door)  I  let  those  nice  col 
ored  men  at  the  stations  carry  my  bag,  but  I  never  let 
one  of  them  touch  this.  It  —  it's  a  present  for  my 
nephew  and  my  niece. 

KATIE.     Oh  !     Is  that  what  it  is ! 

AUNT  M.  I  wonder  whether  I'll  have  time  to 
open  it?  Do  you  think  they'll  be  back  right  away? 
I'd  like  to  see  whether —  And  I'd  like  to  show  it 
to  you  and  see  if  you  think  it  would  please  them. 
Now  that  I'm  here,  I'm  just  a  little  bit  afraid  that 
maybe  it's  not  just  —  not  jvist  what  they  would  have 
chosen,  you  know.  Do  you  suppose  I'll  have  time  to 
show  it  to  you? 

KATIE.  Oh,  yes'm.  I'll  kape  watch.  If  they  do 
be  comin',  sure  we  can  hide  it  under  the  sofy  pillys 
there,  if  —  Ye're  sure  'tis  a  present  for  thim,  mum  ? 

AUNT  M.  (carrying  box  to  divan)  Indeed  I  am! 
I  made  it  myself.  Oh,  I  do  hope  it  hasn't  been 
cracked!  (Unties  box  with  feverish  haste  and  fum 
bles  with  paper  packing  inside)  There's  a  great 
deal  of  work  on  it,  Katie.  You'll  see  presently! 
You're  sure  they're  not  coming?  (Katie  runs  to 
hall  door,  listens.,  and  returns,  shaking  her  head) 
Then  —  I  packed  it  so  carefully!  There!  (Dis 
plays  a  porcelain  clock  painted  in  gay  colors) 

KATIE.  0-o-o-oh !  Oh,  it's  the  rale  beauty,  ain't 
it,  mum? 

AUNT  M.  (very  happily)  Do  you  like  it?  Do 
you,  really? 

KATIE.  I  do  indade,  mum.  'Tis  rale  nice!  'T 
puts  me  in  moind  av  some  new  vases  me  sister's 
mother-in-law  has.  Sure,  'tis  almost  loike  them,  it 
is! 

AUNT  M.  I  made  it  to  go  with  Mrs.  Butler'a 
?ases.  To  stand  between  them,  you  know. 

KATIE.     What  vases,  mum  ? 

AUNT   M.     Why  —  the   vases   I   painted.     (Anz- 


18      THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIF'x'  HORSE 

iously)  You —  you've  seen  the  vases  I  painted, 
haven't  you,  Katie? 

KATIE.  No'm,  niver.  Unless  'tis  the  loikes  av 
thim  ye're  manin'.  (Points  to  some  vases  of  Japan 
ese  bronze  and  cloisonne) 

AUNT  M.  Oh,  no !  Some  tall,  pretty  ones  —  as 
tall  as  that.  (Measures  with  her  hands)  Are  —  are 
you  sure  you've  never  seen  them? 

KATIE.  No'm.  I  niver  seen  any  loike  that  —  not 
since  I  been  here.  0-oh !  Maybe  it's  the  "  la-arge, 
hand-painted  ones  "  ye're  manin' ! 

AUNT  M.  Yes,  yes,  yes!  That's  what  I  mean. 
Hand  painted. 

KATIE.     Oh,  sure!     Thim's  the  ones  she  put  away. 

AUNT  M.     (faintly)     Put  away! 

KATIE.  (Parrot  like)  To  kape  thim  from  the 
dust. 

AUNT  M.  Are  you  —  are  you  sure  that  was  the 
reason  they  were  —  put  away  ? 

KATIE.  'Twas  what  hersilf  said.  "  To  kape  thim 
from  the  dust/*  says  she,  just  loike  that. 

AUNT  M.  (doubtfully)  Oh  —  well  —  perhaps  — 
(More  certainly)  Oh,  probably!  I  am  —  I've  been 
a  little  disturbed  since  arriving  here,  Katie.  You 
see,.  I've  always  thought  of  my  nephew  and  niece  as 
living  in  a  pleasant,  sunny  house,  with  pretty  carpets 
and  nice  white  curtains,  and  plenty  of  bright,  cheer 
ful  things  about. 

KATIE.     Yes'm. 

AUNT  M.  That's  the  kind  of  houses  I'm  used  to, 
and  this  —  oh,  don't  think  I'm  criticizing!  This  is 
all  very  nice,  of  course  —  and  looks  very  comfortable, 
but  —  doesn't  it  seem  a  little  dull  ? 

KATIE.  Oh,  I  t'ink  it's  awful!  So  dark  and 
gloomy !  Sure,  there's  no  life  at  all  to  ut ! 

AUNT  M.  Well,  it  seems  a  little  —  just  a  little 
that  way  to  me,  but  I  suppose  they  must  enjoy  it,  so 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE  19 

J  wondered  whether,  after  all  —  I  wouldn't  wish  to 
embarrass  them.  Do  you  think,  now,  they'd  like  this 
clock,  Katie  ? 

KATIE.  Oh,  sure!  Why,  look  for  yersilf,  mum\ 
They  haven't  a  t'ing  as  foine  as  that !  Ah,  that  clock 
w'u'd  look  grand  with  the  vases  me  sister's  mother- 
in-law  bought  at  the  rubbish  sale ! 

AUNT  M.     The  —  what  kind  of  a  sale,  Katie  ? 

KATIE.  Eubbish  sales,  they  calls  thim.  All  the 
ladies  sinds  all  the  old  stuff  they  don't  want  an'  w'u'd 
give  to  the  junkman  to  an  empty  store,  an'  then 
they  goes  an'  sells  it  to  the  poor  people  for  charity. 
'Twas  there  me  sister's  mother-in-law  got  the  vases 
—  two  av  thim,  just  aloike,  d'ye  moind  ?  —  for  a  dol 
lar  ninety-eight.  'Tis  rale  beauties  they  are !  They 
have  flowers  on  thim,  an'  butterflies  an'  birds  —  an' 
goold  all  on  the  edges  — 

AUNT  M.  Butterflies  and  —  what  kind  of  birds.. 
Katie? 

KATIE.  Hoomin'  birds,  mum  —  blue  an'  grane 
ones. 

AUNT  M.  (faintly}  Oh!  Oh!  And  —  what 
color  are  the  —  the  butterflies,  Katie  ? 

KATIE.  Sh!  Here  they  come!  Into  the  box 
with  it ! 

AUNT  M.  (hastily  thrusting  the  clock  into  the 
}>ox]  But  perhaps  they  wouldn't  care  for  it,  after 
all.  I  wouldn't  like  to  have  it  sent  to  a  —  what  is  it 
you  call  them  ? 

KATIE.  That  clock  to  a  rubbish  sale !  No,  mum  1 
'Tis  too  foine  it  is  —  an'  besides,  'tis  quite  new. 
'Tis  only  old  t'ings  they  sinds  there.  Anyway,  her- 
silf  would  niver  sind  away  anyt'ing  you  gave  her. 
'Tis  too  fond  av  ye  she  is.  Sure,  she  couldn't  t'ink 
more  av  ye  if  ye  was  her  own  mother! 

AUNT  M.  (joyfully}  You  think  a?-°  Y^u  truly 
do? 


2Q  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

KATIE.  Hersilf  said  so  this  very  mornin'.  Many's 
the  toime  she's  said  it  before,  too!  Sure,  'tis  livin 
here  she'd  have  you  be ! 

AUNT  M.     Oh,  I'm  sure  it's  true ! 

KATIE.  Niver  moind  the  sthrings!  t'll  fix  thim 
after!  (They  hastily  secrete  the  box  at  the  foot  of 
the  dive-n) 

AUNT  M.  Thank  you,  Katie.  Thank  you  so 
much! 

KATIE,     (retiring  toward  dining-room)     Yes'm. 
(Enter  from  hall,  Flo  and  Dick) 

FLO.     You  may  serve  tea  now,  Katie. 

(Exit  Katie.) 

AUNT  M.  That's  a  very  attractive  girl,  Florence, 
I've  been  talking  to  her. 

FLO.  Did  she  tell  you  about  her  mother's  first 
husband's  brother? 

AUNT  M.    No. 

FLO.  He  was  the  family  celebrity.  He  was  an 
alderman. 

AUNT  M.  Was  he?  No,  she's  been  telling  me 
about  a  very  remarkable  kind  of  sale  some  of  her 
friends  attended  ree«ntly  —  a  rubbish  sale  — 

DICK,  (quickly  exchanging  glances  with  Flo) 
Rummage  sale,  Aunt  Marietta.  Do  you  mean  to  say 
you've  never  attended  a  rummage  sale? 

AUNT  M.  No ;  but  —  I've  heard  of  them  —  I 
think.  You  see,  Deep  Creek  is  so  small  —  and  I 
never  go  away  from  home.  Katie  says  her  brother'? 
sister-in-law  —  no,  her  sister's  brother-in-law  —  well, 
at  any  rate,  some  connection  of  her  family,  bought  a 
very  remarkable  pair  of  vases  there  for  — 

FLO.     Vases!    Katie? 

AUNT  M.  Yes  —  I  judge  very  pretty  ones  —  for 
4  dollar  and  ninety-eight  cents.  It's  very  gratifying 
to  know  that  poor  people  can  — 

KA.T*B.     (appearing  at  hall  door)     Mr.  Blake. 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE  21 

(Enter  Devlin  Blake,  a  man  "of  cheerful  yester* 
days  and  confident  to-morrows."} 

DICK.  Hello,  Devlin!  You're  just  in  time  for 
tea. 

BLAKE,  (shaking  hands  ivith  Florence}  Thanks. 
I'm  glad  I  still  look  ingenuous,  but  your"  native  cre 
dulity,  Richard,  compels  me  to  confess  that  my  ar 
rival  at  this  particular  moment  is  not  unpremedi 
tated. 

FLO.  Aunt  Marietta,  let  me  present  Mr.  Blake, 
Our  aunt,  Miss  Williams. 

BLAKE.  (bowing  formally}  Madam!  (Aunt 
M.  rises  and  bows  in  an  old-fashioned  way} 

DICK,  (as  they  all  sit)  Now,  what  have  you  got 
in  your  pocket? 

BLAKE.  Dick,  if  I  had  your  clairvoyant  powers, 
nobody'd  catch  me  slaving  at  a  desk  eight  hours  a 
day  as  you  do.  I'd  use  'em.  How  do  you  do  it? 

DICK.  Oh,  easy.  You  never  honor  us  with  your 
presence  unless  you're  prepared  to  make  us  covetous. 
He's  quite  a  collector,  Aunt  Marietta.  What  is  it 
now  ?  Disgorge. 

BLAKE.  Well,  what  about  that?  (Rands  Flo  a 
small  Japanese  vase} 

FLO.  Oh,  what  a  beauty !  Where  did  you  get  it  ? 
Just  look,  Dick ! 

BLAKE.  Do  you  happen  to  observe  that  signa 
ture? 

FLO.  (looking  at  bottom  of  vase}  I  do!  And 
such  an  exquisite  piece !  Where  did  you  get  it  ? 

BLAKE.     At  the  Hobart  sale. 

DICK,  (showing  vase  to  Aunt  If.)  Any  more 
like  that  there  ?  It's  a  perfect  little  gem,  you  know ! 

BLAKE.  Not  now.  There  wasn't  much,  anyway. 
One  or  two  good  things,  and  a  lot  of  awful  rubbish ! 
Florence,  you  still  hold  the  record  for  abominable 
ornaments,  but  there  are  some  vases  down  there  that 


22  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

run  a  close  second  to  that  brace  of  home-manufac 
tured  horrors  you  sent  to  the  rummage  sale  last  week. 
(Aunt  M.  looks  startled) 

FLO.  (dismayed)  Oh!  (Shakes  her  head  warn- 
ingly  at  Blake.  Dick  looks  frightened) 

BLAKE.     Eh !     What  ? 

FLO.  I  didn't  —  that  is,  what  makes  you  say  / 
sent  them? 

BLAKE.  Because  you  did!  (Laughs)  You 
needn't  think  you  can  back  out  of  that,  Florence  — 
or  that  you're  going  to  be  allowed  to  live  it  down, 
either !  I  was  on  the  receiving  committee,  you  know, 
and  if  you  expect  me  to  suppress  that  dark  secret  in 
your  past,  you'll  have  to  —  well,  it  will  come  high, 
that's  all !  Say,  honest,  where'd  you  get  'em  ? 

FLO.  Devlin  Blake,  you're  perfectly  crazy! 
You're  always  getting  me  mixed  up  with  somebody 
else! 

DICK,  (urgently)  Aunt  Marietta,  I  think  the 
sun's  setting!  Shall  we  go  out  to  the  dining-room 
window  and  see?  (He  hurries  her  out,  with  affec 
tionate  concern) 

FLO.     Well,  now  vou  have  done  it ! 

BLAKE.    Why?     What's  up? 

FLO.     She  gave  me  those  vases ! 

BLAKE.  Jimmy!  The  little  old  lady?  Who  is 
she? 

FLO.  She's  Dick's  favorite  aunt.  She  arrived  — 
from  the  West  —  this  morning.  She  painted  them 
herself. 

BLAKE,  (with  whimsical  reproach)  FloreDce, 
I'm  afraid  you've  been  looking  a  gift  horse  in  the 
mouth ! 

FLO.  I  didn't  have  to!  This  one  showed  his 
teeth  from  the  first  —  and  now  he's  beginning  to 
bite  with  them! 

BLAKE.  (laughing)  Eegular  comic-newspaper 
situation,  isn't  it  ?  Think  she'll  disinherit 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE  2S 

FLO.  (almost  in  tears)  Don't !  How  can  you 
make  fun!  She's  the  sweetest  woman  in  the  world! 

BLAKE.     I  beg  your  pardon ! 

FLO.  And  I  can't  bear  that  she  should  be  hurt ! 
She's  been  a  mother  —  and  more  —  to  Dick.  But 
she's  never  visited  us  —  if  I'd  had  the  least  idea  she 
would  ever  come,  I  wouldn't  have  sent  them  —  But 
you  know  yourself,  Devlin,  I  couldn't  have  them 
here! 

BLAKE,  (glancing  about)  Here?  Great  Scott, 
no!  But  —  after  all,  Flo,  you  needn't  have  sent 
them  to  a  rummage  sale! 

FLO.  Oh,  I  know !  But  I  thought  they  might  as 
well  be  doing  somebody  some  good.  Dick  didn't 
know  I  had  sent  them  until  a  few  minutes  ago,  and 
he's  all  broken  up  about  it,  Devlin!  (Telephone  bell 
rings  and  she  goes  to  receiver)  Yes?  .  .  .  Oh, 
Anne!  Eeally?  .  .  .  She  won't  —  well,  make 
her  sell  them!  .  .  .  How  perfectly  ridiculous! 
.  .  .  Can't  you  make  her  see  that.  What  ?  .  .  . 
Oh,  well  that's  absurd,  you  know.  ,  .  .  Well,  I'm 
afraid  it's  too  late,  anyway.  .  .  .  Things  have 
happened.  ...  I  can't  very  well  tell  you.  .  .  . 
Well  —  she  heard  rather  unfortunate  things  said 
about  the  sale.  .  .  .  I'm  afraid  so.  ...  Well,  I 
hate  to  fib,  but  I'd  do  anything  to  keep  from  hurting 
her!  But  I  don't  see  what  we  could  say  that  would 
help.  .  .  .  Well,  perhaps.  .  .  .  Thanks.  .  .  . 
Good-by.  (Hangs  up)  That  was  Anne.  She's 
found  the  vases. 

BLAKE,     (hopefully)     That's  great  luck,  isn't  it? 

FLO.  An  old  Irish  woman  has  them,  and  because 
Anne  drove  up  in  her  automobile  in  a  great  hurry, 
the  woman  has  conceived  an  idea  that  the  vases  are 
some  priceless  treasure,  sold  by  mistake,  and  won't 
give  them  up. 

BLAKE.  Oh,  well,  that's  easily  arranged.  An  ex 
pert  will  soon  — • 


24  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

FLO.  Yes,  but  that  will  take  time  —  and  1  ime's 
what  we  can't  afford  —  especially  now!  Anne 
thinks  maybe  W9  can  fix  up  a  tarradiddle  of  some 
sort,  to  gain  time,  but —  Oh,  dear!  (Wipes  aviay 
a  tear] 

BLAKE,     (soberly)     I'm  awfully  sorry,  Florence! 

FLO.  Did  you  see  her  face?  No;  of  course,  you 
weren't  watching  her,  but  —  she  looked  as  if  she  had 
been  struck !  Poor  little  Auntie !  Oh?  why  did  I 
ever —  Wasn't  it  a  horrid  thing  to  do,  Devlin?  I 
really  thought  they  ought  to  be  giving  somebody 
pleasure,  but  now  —  Oh,  why  did  I  send  them  away ! 

BLAKE.  Sh!  They're  coming!  Pull  up,  Floiv 
ence !  (Flo  hurriedly  wipes  her  eyes  and  assumes  a 
forced  smile)  (Enter  Dick  and  Aunt  M.  from  hall. 
Enter  Katie  from  dining-room  with  tea  tray.  Flo 
pours  tea) 

BLAKE.  I  hear  you've  just  arrived,  Miss  Wil 
liams,  You  must  be  tired. 

AUNT.  M.  No,  I  —  yes,  I  am.  I'm  just  begin 
ning  to  realize  that  I  am  —  very  tired. 

Bi  ^KE.  (deferentially  placing  a  chair  for  her, 
tucking  a  footstool  under  her  feet  and  bringing  her 
tea)  Ah,  well,  that  will  soon  wear  off  —  we'll  take 
such  good  care  of  you.  You  see  it  isn't  often  you 
give  us  the  pleasure.  (Dick  and  Flo  confer  at  tea 
table  u'ith  troubled  faces)  And  it's  a  happy  day  for 
this  house  when  you  come  into  it.  Dick  and  Mrs. 
Dick  there  are  fairly  radiating  joy!  (Throughout 
the  remainder  of  the  play  his  manner  to  her  is  one 
of  sincere  and  increasing  deference  and  admiration) 

AUNT  M.      (timidly)     I  hope  they  are. 

BLAKE.  Hope  they  are !  Why,  just  look  at  them ! 
(Flo  and  Dick  suddenly  assume  icicle  smiles)  I  hope 
you're  going  to  stay  long  enough  to  fix  that  glorified 
expression  in  their  faces  —  not  to  mention  giving  the 
rest  of  us  a  chance  to  develop  a  little  refulgence  un 
der  your  influence. 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE      2« 

AUNT  M.  Thank  you.  I  hardly  think  I  shall  be 
here  long.  I  wanted  to  see  my  nephew  and  his  wife 
in  their  own  home  —  I  came  only  for  that  —  and 
now  that  I  have  seen  them,  I  — -I  think  I  shall  be 
going  back  before  long. 

FLO.  (with  great  concern  and  disappointment) 
Aunt  Marietta ! 

AUNT  M.  (gently]  I  am  not  accustomed  to  be 
ing  away  from  home,  and  —  I  think  it  confuses  me  a 
little.  Already  I  am  realizing  that  for  old  people  the 
chimney  corner  is  best. 

BLAKE.  Now,  isn't  that  just  because  you're  a  lit 
tle  tired  ?  Give  us  a  chance  to  show  you,  after  you're 
rested,  how  entertaining  we  can  be,  before  you  talk 
about  leaving  us. 

DICK.  She's  not  all  here  yet,  anyway.  Her 
trunk  hasn't  come.  By  the  way,  where's  the  box? 

FLO.     What  box  ? 

DICK.  The  box!  The  precious,  mysterious,  in 
terdicted  box! 

AUNT  M.  (with  attempted  lightness)  The  box 
of  exaggerated  importance.  You've  changed  very 
little,  Dick. 

DICK.  But  where  is  it  ?  I  put  it  carefully  on  the 
table. 

AUNT  M.  (smiling)  And  I  —  as  carefully  — 
took  it  off. 

(Blake,  in  passing  around  the  end  of  the  divan 
with  a  plate  of  tea  calces,  stumbles  over  the  box.) 

BLAKE.  What  the  deuce !  I  beg  your  pardon !  I 
hope  I  haven't  — 

DICK.  Why,  that's  the  box !  Blake,  you  elephant, 
you've  been  stubbing  your  toe  on  it ! 

AUNT  M.  (with  determined  brightness)  It 
doesn't  matter  in  the  least.  I've  been  very  —  fussy 
about  that  box,  Mr.  Blake.  I  —  as  I  told  you  —  I'm 
not  accustomed  to  traveling,  and  it  contains  some 
thing  that  I  was  afraid  —  fart  really,  it's  of  no  im- 


28  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

portance.  None  whatever.  That  is  one  of  the  ad 
vantages  of  travel,  isn't  it,  Mr.  Blake?  (Rather 
sadly)  It  is  so  broadening.  It  teaches  one  in—* 
in  so  many  ways  —  so  quickly.  (More  brightly)  I 
suppose  you  have  traveled  a  great  deal  ? 

BLAKE.  Oh,  not  so  much.  And  if  you'll  permit 
me  to  say  it,  Miss  Williams,  there's  none  of  the 
boasted  breadth  conferred  by  travel  that  is  half  so 
attractive  as  a  certain  fine  and  delicate  aroma  attach 
ing  to  the  personalities  of  some  ladies  (bowing  defer 
entially)  who  have  stayed  always  at  home.  May  I 
take  your  cup? 

AUNT  M.  Thank  you.  (She  rises,  and  Dick  joins 
her) 

BLAKE,  (aside  to  Flo  at  tea  table)  We'll  get 
those  vases  back  or  die  in  the  attempt!  She's  like 
a  sweet,  old-fashioned  pink!  We  can't  let  her  be 
hurt! 

FLO.     She  suspects,  doesn't  she? 

BLAKE.     I'm  afraid  she  does. 

FLO.  (glancing  at  her  husband)  And  poor  Dick's 
worried  to  death !  Oh,  I  tell  you  I've  learned  one 
lesson,  Devlin !  She  may  fill  my  house  with  plush 
lambrequins  and  crazy  quilts  and  "  hand-painted " 
sofa  cushions  if  she-  wants  to,  but  I'll  never  do  any 
thing  like  this  again ! 

(Enter  Anne,  a  large,  showy  vase  under  eithei 
arm.) 

ANNE.     I  brought  your  vases  back,  Flo. 

FLO.     (startled  and  dismayed)     Oh  —  Anne! 

ANNE,  (calmly)  And  I  assure  you  they've  done 
missionary  work.  Good-afternoon  again,  Miss  Wil 
liams.  Are  they  talking  you  to  death?  How  do, 
Devlin?  I'm  sorry  I  couldn't  get  these  back  any 
sooner,  Flo.  I  knew  how  you  hated  to  have  them  out 
of  the  house,  so  I  brought  them  back  myself.  And 
we're  ever  so  much  obliged.  (Places  vases  on  table) 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE  27 

FLO.  (blankly)  Oh —  yes  —  I  did  hate  to  have 
them  away,  of  course.  I  — 

BLAKE,     (alertly)     Where  have  they  been,  Anne? 

ANNE.  At  a  sort  of  —  loan  exhibition.  Do  you 
have  loan  exhibitions  in  Deep  Creek,  Miss  Williams  ? 

AUNT  M.  JST-no,  I  think  not.  I  don't  quite  know 
what  a  loan  exhibition  is. 

ANNE.  Oh,  don't  you?  Well,  sometimes  people 
like  us  pay  to  see  a  loan  exhibition,  but  the  kind  I 
like  best  is  when  we  send  a  lot  of  beautiful  things  to 
be  gathered  together  in  one  place,  so  the  poor  people, 
who  have  no  beautiful  things  of  their  own,  can  see 
them. 

AUNT  M.  And  then  it  —  it's  sometimes  called  a 
rubbish  —  I  mean,  a  rummage  sale,  isn't  it  ?  (Others 
exchange  quick  glances) 

DICK.     Oh,  no ! 

FLO.     No    indeed! '      \      (T      th          icU} 

BLAKE.     Not  at  all! 

ANNE.     Never ! 

DICK,  (eagerly  explaining]  Oh,  no!  You  see, 
at  a  rummage  sale  things  are  sold,  and  people  send 
all  the  old  truck  they  want  to  get  rid  of.  But  a 
loan  exhibition  — 

BLAKE,  (convincingly)  Oh,  that's  quite  a  differ 
ent  thing ! 

ANNE,  (gently)  To  a  loan  exhibition  we  send 
only  the  very  choicest  and  loveliest  things  we  have. 

FLO.  (tenderly)  And  we  only  loan  them  for  a 
while,  don't  you  see?  Just  to  give  other  people 
pleasure. 

AUNT  M.  (whose  face  has  been  slowly  brighten 
ing)  Oh!  And  you  sent  these  vases  —  You  really 
thought  them  worthy  — 

BLAKE.     Worthy!     Listen  to  her! 

FLO.  You  see,  Aunt  Marietta  painted  those  rases 
herself. 


28  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

BLAKE.  Did  she?  Did  you  really,  now?  (Ex 
amines  vases)  I  call  that  quite  remarkable! 

ANNE.  7  knew!  That's  the  reason  I  brought 
them  back  myself. 

AUNT  M.  But  why  didn't  you  tell  me?  When 
Dick  spoke  of  them  — 

FLO.  (hastily)  Oh,  of  course  —  when  Dick 
spoke  of  them,  I  —  well,  he  spoke  of  them  —  so  sud 
denly,  you  know,  and  — 

ANNE,  (laughing)  I  shrewdly  suspect,  Miss 
Williams,  that  Dick  didn't  know  the  vases  had  gone 
out  of  the  house.  You  see,  he's  so  fond  of  you,  he 
might  not  have  been  willing  to  let  them  go.  Fess 
up,  Flo!  Did  Dick  know? 

FLO.  Well  —  no;  to  be  quite  honest,  he  didn't, 
until  a  few  minutes  ago. 

AUNT  M.  (happily)  I  see!  I  see!  And  that  is 
the  reason  —  wiry,  it's  all  perfectly  clear  now!  But, 
Dick,  you  should  have  known  how  proud  I'd  be  to 
have  my  vases  loaned  for  such  a  purpose ! 

DICK.  That's  so,  I  ought!  Well,  I  do  now. 
(Picks  up  the  vases)  Now,  where  shall  we  put  them, 
Aunt  Marietta? 

AUNT  M.  (mildly  surprised)  Why,  wherever  you 
usually  have  them,  Dick  dear. 

DICK.  Oh  —  yes,  certainly.  Of  course.  We  usu 
ally  have  them  —  we  have  them —  (Looks  helplessly 
at  Flo) 

FLO.  I  think  Dick  meant  that  now  you'r-  here, 
perhaps  you'd  like  to  choose  a  place  for  them  your 
self. 

AUNT  M.  Why,  it  seems  to  me  —  I  may  be  wronr 
—  you  are  all  so  much  wiser  than  I  —  but  it  stems 
to  me  that  they  would  look  very  nicely  on  the  mantel 
there  —  one  at  each  end.  Don't  you  think  so  ? 

BLAKE,  (quickly)  I'm  sure  we  all  agree  that's 
the  very  place  for  them !  Let  me  help  you>  Dick- 
(They  place  the  vases)  There! 


THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE  29 

AUNT  M.  (as  they  all  fall  back  a  step  to  see  the 
effect)  Do  you  —  do  you  like  them  so,  Mr.  Blake? 
You  know  so  much  about  such  things ! 

BLAKE,  (gravely)  They  are  very  striking  there, 
madam!  Very  striking! 

AUNT  M.  They  give  it  quite  an  air  of  —  sym 
metry,  it  seems  to  me. 

DICK,  (enthusiastically  appropriating  the  idea) 
That's  what  they  do,  Auntie!  They  give  it  a  sym 
metry  that  the  mantel  entirely  lacks  without  them ! 

ANNE,  (gently)  You  must  have  spent  an  infin 
ity  of  work  on  them,  Miss  Williams? 

AUNT  M.  Yes  —  I  was  a  long  time  doing  them. 
And  now,  my  dear  children,  I  have  something  to  show 
you.  But  first,  for  my  own  peace  of  mind,  I  must 
make  a  confession. 

ALL.     A  confession. 

AUNT  M.  I'm  a  hateful,  suspicious  old  woman, 
my  dears ! 

DICK.  You?  Nonsense!  (Pats  her  shoulder, 
lovingly) 

FLO.     Oh,  Auntie !     You're  just  tired. 

AUNT  M.  I'm  not  a  bit  tired,  but  —  for  a  little 
while,  my  dears,  I  was  very  unhappy.  You  see,  I 
didn't  see  the  vases  here  —  though  I  really  didn't 
think  much  of  that  until  Katie  said  —  I  mean,  in 
conversation  with  Katie,  I  learned —  (Hesitates) 

FLO.     What  did  Katie  say? 

AUNT  M.  First,  that  she  had  never  seen  my  vases 
at  ail. 

FLO.     Why,  the  little  wretch ! 

AUNT  M.  Wait,  my  dear !  Later  she  remembered 
that  she  had,  but  said  you  had  put  them  away  "  to 
kape  thim  from  the  dust."  I  see  now,  of  course,  that 
that  was  intended  for  Dick's  benefit,  in  case  he  should 
miss  them.  But  at  the  time,  in  looking  about  your 
house,  it  seemed  to  me  —  I  admit  that  it  was  an  un- 
trortiiv  suspicion  —  but  it  did  seem  to  me  that  you 


30  THE  TEETH  OF  THE  GIFT  HORSE 

might  have  put  them  away  for  —  for  some  other 
reason,  my  dear.  There  were  other  things  —  mere 
coincidence,  I  see  now  —  that  seemed  to  confirm  my 
fears,  and  so  I  resolved  to  say  nothing  about  a  little 
surprise  I  had  planned  for  you.  Now  I  see  how  mis 
taken  I  was  —  and  I  hope  you'll  forgive  me  fbr 
doubting  you.  (Dick  and  Flo  take  her  hand  pro- 
testingly)  Just  a  minute,  please.  Mr.  Blake,  will 
you  please  hand  me  that  box  ?  (He  brings  it  to  her) 
Thank  you.  And  I  brought  you  this!  (Displays 
clock) 

ALL.     0-oh!     (Aunt  M.  ~beams  delightedly) 

FLO.  Oh  —  oh,  thank  you,  Aunt  Marietta ! 
Thank  you  so  much ! 

DICK,  (with  much  feeling}  By  jove !  Isn't  she 
a  dear  to  do  all  that  for  us ! 

AUNT  M.  (to  Blake)  Do  you  like  it?  Do  you 
think  it's  pretty? 

BLAKE,  (earnestly)  Madam,  if  I  had  been  for 
tunate  enough  to  have  a  gift  like  that  made  for  me, 
I  should  value  it  beyond  price. 

AUNT  M.  Would  you?  Truly?  Why  — why,  if 
it  would  give  you  pleasure,  Mr.  Blake,  and  if  I'm  here 
long  enough,  I  should  love  to  do  one  for  you ! 

BLAKE,  (touched)  If  you  will,  I  shall  prize  it 
all  my  life. 

ANNE.  You'll  surely  be  here  long  enough,  won't 
you,  Miss  Williams?  After  so  long  a  journey,  you 
aren't  thinking  of  going  back  soon! 

AUNT  M.  (rather  archly)  Why  — I  —  I  did 
think  when  I  come  on,  that  I  might  stay  all  winter. 

FLO.  (eagerly)  Oh,  will  you,  Aunt  Marietta? 
Will  you  really  ?  We'd  love  to  have  you  ? 

DICK.  Of  course  she  will!  We  won't  let  her  go 
—  maybe  we'll  never  let  her  go  back!  Where  shall 
I  put  this  clock,  Flo? 

FLO.     (without    hesitation,    cheerfully)     On    the 


31 

mantel,  dear,  between  the  vases  —  right  in  the  center, 
Those  bronzes  had  better  come  away  —  now. 

AUNT  M.  There !  Now  that  does  brighten  up  th« 
room,  doesn't  it? 

ANNE.     It  certainly  does ! 

AUNT  M.     Do  you  like  it? 

DICK,     (hastily)     Sure! 

BLAKE,  (heartily)  Of  course  we  all  like  it! 
Those  vases  have  furnished  what  will  always  be  one 
of  the  loveliest  memories  of  uny  life.  And,  moreover, 
anybody  who  wouldn't  appreciate  it,  I  say  has  no 
sense  of  the  beautiful ! 

AUNT  M.  Then  —  then,  my  dears,  while  I'm  here 
this  winter,  I'll  work  hard  and  paint  something  nice 
for  every  single  one  of  you! 

FLO.  (between  laughter  and  tears)  Aunt  Mari 
etta,  you're  the  very  dearest,  sweetest  woman  in  the 
whole  wide  world!  (Embraces  her) 

BLAKE,  (singing,  in  which,  one  ~by  one,  all  join  ex 
cept  Aunt  M.) 

"  So  say  we  al\   ,£  us,  so  say  we  all  of  us, 
So  say  we  all, )  etc. 

(While  they  are  still  singing,  Aunt  M.  tearfully 
yniling  in  their  midst,  the  curtain  falls.) 


